theworsttourguide

theworsttourguide Hey everyone, I'm Jonathan and I host walking tours of the best must-see spots, hidden gems and off

05/28/2026

A Day in the Life of a Vegas "Tour Guide"

Or at least, that’s what the tax forms say. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves with the word "virtue."
One tour today. Business is a slow grind these days.

The clients? A couple. He’s American, she’s from Germany, and they both call Germany home now. He was soorting a gold necklace with a gold "cornicello" which is a little Italian horn or p***s meant to ward off the evil eye and summon a bit of luck. I respect it because my old woman is from Naples and I’ve got a red plastic one hanging off my own house keys. You need all the protection you can get out here from the demons that lurk around every corner. Slumpt over in the fentynol fold as they call it. She was tall, blue-eyed, wearing brown cowboy boots. They zipped from the sides.

They were actually engaging. They kept me awake, kept me interested, and for a fleeting moment, made me not hate the job. These are the walks I roll outta bed for. When someone can actually hold a real conversation and offer something deeper than a "uh-huh" or a "yeah, sure, okay."

Finally, grown adults who don't rely on cheap Gen Z slang in a desperate, pathetic attempt to stay relevant and let me be clear about something... If the words "it’s giving" or "stimi" are part of your everyday vocabulary... do me a favor and film yourself punching yourself square in the front teeth, send that sh*t to me and never, ever book one of my tours.

Here’s a quick reel of what I looked at today. Honestly? Same s**t, different day.
I’m completely desensitized. Living in Las Vegas will systematically strip the joy right out of your life because no matter where else you travel in the world, you’ve already seen worse right here on the Strip. Today was a fairly G-rated day. And my favorite character for the day... Broke Ass Retired Stripper

And for the record, I'll never learn how to steam milk. Been failing for a year.

05/27/2026

Here you go, something that's not gambling or food, or me bitching about the world. Actually... f**k, its all chocolate and sugar. Aria, where the poker sugar daddies roam in their pj's.

05/25/2026

Two Vegas "showgirls" walk some tourists to an ATM machine.

Usually before my tours I do some people judging from the Venetian balcony. Today's scene is fairly typical for me, usually much closer, usually it happens to my guests. But it usually goes something along the lines of "we just work for tips"... well, sometimes they say that... sometimes. It's really more like, "We promote the shows and have to pay a commission to the casinos" or "we rent the costume from the casinos"... or "we work for (insert casino name they're standing infront of)". I hear it several times a week.

Then it's my favorite part, payment time! I've seen them reach hands into wallets, surround and corner people, I've seen them punch people, they're really not the most glamorous people to deal with. Today, they walked this couple right into Walgreens to the ATM. Maybe they didn't have cash or change. I didn't film inside Walgreens. But the couple ended up going to the register. I'm guessing for cash back which last time I did that it was only $20 max and those girls typically ask for $40-$60... per girl, depending on how bad your accent is.

In the end, ended up getting a Red Bull and missed the exchange.

Once had them tell some Indian girls on my tour that they work for the Cromwell and that if they're staying in the hotel, the price is $40 each or $60 if they're not staying in the hotel.

Once I had to save two little old people. Felt so bad, these two lanky girls had this little old couple cornered by a railing. The lady is trembling because they're getting loud and aggressive with her. I told them they don't have to pay and it's illegal for them to charge you. Just go in the casino and get security. Next to club promoters, those girls are really my least favorite people out here on the Strip.

05/25/2026

Exploring Italy. Be back in a few months. The transition from tour guide to travel agent isn't a career shift, it's a necessary intervention.

05/25/2026

Heart Attack Grill is closed but the scale still works. I'm not too disappointed. It was just a burger place, a one and done kinda joint... but with a goofy gimic of wearing hospital gowns and getting spanked for not finishing your burger. Aside from Gambling and drinking, I think Vegas has largely built it's reputation (if not indirectly) largely on this idea of tacky gimics which is now slowly turning into glass buildings, 5 stat spas and shopping and TV show celebrity chefs

05/24/2026

Oh boy! My favorite toilets in Italy. I could get a nice comic book and do some deep reading in here. A man could p**p and do some thorough life contemplation on a toilet like this. All day long.

05/22/2026

I think I was born in the wrong country...

05/21/2026

Exploring Milan. I could do tours here. Sample Itinerary: 6 nights, 7 days, Milano as the central base. 4 days in Milano, a day trip to Lake Como, day trip to Verona, a third day to Brescia or Monza, a free day, tours, museums and two meals a day. $2k/ person. The fancy one are $5k and sky's the limit. Italy on a budget for the budget traveler.

The Strip looks more peaceful from up here... then again, anything looks more peaceful from two hundred and fifty feet u...
06/15/2023

The Strip looks more peaceful from up here... then again, anything looks more peaceful from two hundred and fifty feet up.

Look at this place... people love it here, and honestly, I never understood why myself, but to some, it's this arrangement of matter and molecules that God himself couldn't improve upon. A town for masters of the universe and if not already one yourself, at least you can pretend for a weekend because out here we're all equals... well, except for the bros and oligarchs and retired sugar-mamas whose Louis commands its own seat at the bar in the high-limit rooms or anyone sleezing around the Wynn for that matter. They're a different breed of degenerates of dubious moral distinction of which yokels such as myself are seen as uncouth against God because only peasants play 6 to 5 $15 minimums. I suppose that's true though.

So what the f**k am I doing here? Perhaps I've moved so much around the land of the free and home of the brave that I'm at a point of settling out of sheer tiredness. Making the best of unfavorable situation and all at the same time finding joy in this little accidental life appointment of mine as a "tour guide" and not a particularly a good one because the grass typically isn't greener on the other side (well in the case of Las Vegas it is since grass has been banned here, its literally greener in almost any other city) but aside from that technicality the grass is greener where you water it. And so here I am, I bitch as I water.

Ya ya i know its not "professional" to drink at work, blah blah but hey, this isn't a tour of Rome, this is a tour of Ve...
06/13/2023

Ya ya i know its not "professional" to drink at work, blah blah but hey, this isn't a tour of Rome, this is a tour of Vegas, a skip through the Vatican of the underworld where one is blessed and doused in sweat and shame for their sins.

The house that Satan (or the Mormons) built and we're going into the belly of the beast, the city of Sin, good girls gone bad and the citys filled with them!
and if your Vegas-tourguide isn't breaking bread (or in this case, shots) with you... or dabbleing with the Devil's lettuce, are you even getting a proper tour of Vegas? I think not!

Annoyed with myself for not getting a photo with my second tour because that one was another girls trip and just like hanging out with friends and grabbin a couple mystery shots from and 2-4-1

Anyway, here's the first tour courtesy of

Philippines 🇵🇭, Canada 🇨🇦 & Netherlands 🇳🇱

I have a massive headache. Nothing a few crunchies (Tylenol) and a California burrito and horchata from Robertos can't cure.

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