07/03/2025
Before I fade away into retirement, I'll leave you with one last fun post. For those of you who don't know what I write, this is a sample.
It will be in my second book, now at the printer's. They will be free to whoever wants one:
THE BEACH
I saw a video this morning on the Weather Channel that showed a sandy beach during a high wind event. The umbrellas were flying through the air like a flock of huge birds. Unfortunately, one of the umbrellas impaled a lifeguard. She survived, but that’s one more danger added to my list of why I don’t go to the beach, as if I needed more reasons.
The hot sun is enough of a reason, but there are more. I don’t go anywhere dressed only in swimming trunks. They’re essentially boxer shorts with nothing underneath. It’s as close to public nakedness as it gets without being arrested. Women can choose a suit that can cover everything except their arms and legs. We have a loin cloth. Yes, the same thing Cro-Magnon man wore ten thousand years ago, except more colorful. I was never a muscular guy, but now that I’m in my seventies, I’m down to just ligaments and bone. And fat. There are probably male beach goers with even less attractive physiques, but that’s such a low bar, it’s no consolation. I don’t like the way my toes look for another thing. Flip-flops don’t hide them.
I don’t like the idea of slathering my body with lotion, either. Yuck. I can enjoy the view of the ocean for about an hour before it gets boring. That is, if I can see it at all with so many people between me and the surf. Crowds are another thing I avoid, on land OR in water. Speaking of ocean water, how about those riptides carrying people out to sea and sharks getting closer to the beach every year? The Nightly News has a story almost every night about another shark attack. I still remember the movie.
So, let’s recap. Here on Earth, we have land, water and air. I’m staying on land, just not the sandy parts.
