31/05/2026
If you're the parent of a toddler (or a child who acts like one) you'll know that it can feel like you are living with a pint sized dictator. They want what they want when they want it. And they won't take no for an answer. They can also be incredibly fun, loving and say the most hilarious things. We get both sides.
A question I was asked by a parent recently made me think about how tough this age and stage can be - "How do you get such a little child who has strong will power to take "no" for an answer?"
This is a really good question. A part of knowing what to do is knowing what it's like for your child first. Toddlers have a lot in common with teens. They want greater independence - to do it themself. Often toddlers insist they'll do it themselves, even when you are not convinced it's a good idea. Like when they TRY to pour themselves a cup of milk and they end up emptying the whole container. This desire for independence is actually is a sign of healthy development.
Three facts about toddlers which can help us to understand them better.
1. They need your attention and lots of it
You struggle to do the most basic of tasks, even to unload the dishwasher, as they want you to watch them and pull on your clothes all the time. Research tells us toddlers can make bids for our attention every 20 seconds. This is a stage of development which is very needy.
2. They are in an egocentric stage of development - it's ME focused
This helps us know why they act like it's all about them. You help them relate to others gradually. This is a process which happens over time. Because it's a needy stage, there's a lot of help that is needed here.
3. Toddlers can't regulate emotions on their own...YET
Toddlers learn how to regulate emotions, attention alongside you. Helping your toddler move through big emotions rather than trying to stop slowly builds their awareness of their inner world and develops skills they need.
Note to self - in the messy chaos of raising your toddler you will need a lot of energy and to give yourself the grace to say "Wow, we made it through another day."
